Full Price

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I heard Bishop say it, I heard Meek say it.

I was reminded;

my aunt said it.

Not everyone gets a slice.

Grace, and greatness, they both have a price.
The greater the agony, the bigger the slice.

Everyday of my life, I’m paying that price.

Every tear, the confusion, these sleepless nights.
But it’s all for a purpose, we’re paying a price.

Trust and believe, the agony, and stress, will tenfold.
We been bold, we been strong,
There’s struggle on this path— and It ain’t wrong.

It’s gone hurt, and you gone ask why.
You gone keep asking, and get no reply.

That’s the price of grace and greatness,
When it all falls apart, it comes together.
Sunny days, after stormy weather.

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Blue

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Nothin’ was concrete, I had no recipe.

Love for myself was the missing piece.
The more broken I was, my faith increased.

No Mariah, but plenty baggage I carried.
I assessed my world, I was ready to share it. Continue reading

Idea

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I gave it all I had, now they callin me egocentric.
I said what I said, and I meant it.
The truth hit em so hard, they got distant.

As they screamed all summer, I took the year.
I took the shit I was given and made it smear.
The shit they smell is self esteem!

they see it as fear.

I lost friends I never thought I’d lose.
Fought for friendships, too scared to lose.
I fell in love, they made me choose.
I was left shattered and confused.

I thought being loyal was a rule.

I got trust issues, I won’t front.
My own granny pulled a stunt.
15 minutes of fame, I addressed it during my lunch.

Heartache, was too much to bear, so I confronted myself.

I redefined, the meaning of success and wealth.
Through my journey of healing, I abandoned being right.  I started revealing-

I got to the root.

They don’t hate me, they hate my greatness.
The hate for themselves, won’t allow them to embrace it.
They can’t love me, they got too many faces.
When they get it, they’ll get it, and I’ll excuse their lateness.

The idea isn’t to hold a grudge.
The idea, is to trust myself, and never budge.

Listen

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I’m being condemned by people sleepin on couches.
I’m being judged, by people wit crackhead spouses.

I’m catchin too many stones, from glass houses.

Trials and tribulations birthed my depression.
I lost my hope, I grew desperate.
For whatever reason, too scared, to address it.
I thought death could express it. Continue reading

How

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I could hear in her voice, she wasn’t sure if it happened.
Right then, is when it happened.
Shit went quick, got intense.
I’m talkin flash backs and scents.
The shame,
the guilt,
it all made sense.
Old wounds became fresh again.
I felt cuts, on my flesh again.
I cried aloud-
I bled again.
So.
Fuck you.
How was I to tell, what I didn’t know to tell?
Just as day after day,
you couldn’t tell.
So again-
Fuck you.
It was MY innocence disgustingly taken.
I pointed fingers, and I wasn’t mistaken.
It was ME teenage nuts and bitter semen.
It was ME, FIVE years old, and a soulless demon.
My fault. my bad.
I never told, and I wasn’t screamin.
THE shit was a nightmare.
I wasn’t dreamin.
I was groomed so perfectly.
After awhile-
I didn’t think that he was hurtin me.
So again-
How was I to tell, what I didn’t know to tell?
Just as, day after day,
you couldn’t tell.

 

REFLECTION

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Crawling through the front end of this life,

I felt so cheated, paying price after price.

What I enjoyed wasn’t his design.
My parents were my parents, but they weren’t mine.
I was hurtin so bad, but it wasn’t my time.

I couldn’t understand why he kept me alive.

What I wanted.
What he planned—

It didn’t align.

Me?

I ignored that part.
Hard-headed, afraid-
I ignored my heart.

My ignorance, the highest of the high.
I put the meaning in bliss,
I stopped askin why.

I wouldn’t wait for direction.
I wanted the acceptance.
I looked to people to prove,

strife and love
had no connection.

Still I hadn’t learned my lesson.

I wasn’t intimidated by my sins.
I tangled wit depression.
I was empty and reckless.

How I felt about me-?
my actions reflected.